Three Wolves, Spelling Words and Airplane Noises

Here we have the latest model in the Furthermore newspaper column, with updated features like bouncing around to different subjects, an elk putting on a life jacket and what is meant to be constructive criticism in response to a Forest Service letter to the editor, seen here, that just struck me as needing . . . I don't know, more airplane noises. No offense intended. I've got a passel of Forest Service friends and realize it's a hot-button and testy business, this closing down roads. But, still. Massage those PR messages a little bit.

And Furthermore: Wallowa County Chieftain column, April 2012

            Set out on a steelhead fishing and rafting trip last week for four days on the Wallowa and Grande Ronde but the steelhead weren’t in the mood so we ended up playing a really long game of ‘splash’ where we threw things into the water with our fishing rods and didn’t expect much else to happen.

 Mike Baird did catch this steelhead, using the highly unusual technique of a carabiner and big rope.

            After a couple days of wetting hooks in the river we shifted to thinking of it as a wildlife viewing trip because of all the animalia parading around down there. Paul Arentsen, his brother John and Jeff Yanke had the biggest you-don’t-see-that-everyday when they floated up on an elk that had just taken a swim across the river to an unlikely spot where it was walled in by steep cliffs. The guys scratched their heads about this and looked over on the opposite bank to see three wolves laying down, watching the elk. Two black and one grey.

            The wolves decided a large blue raft was reason enough to scoot along, so they got up and headed for the trees. No collars or tags were visible and it happened too quick to get any pictures.

            The rest of us floated through a while later, wondering what the deal was with the freaked out elk trying to scramble up a cliff face. I assumed it was trying to get away from our three rafts, but now I bet it would have gladly climbed on board and put on a life jacket if we’d stopped to offer it a ride.

            Also saw mountain goats, bighorns, an otter, loads of deer, herds of elk, squadrons of geese and lost count of the bald eagles. Real pleasant down there.

 Here's a dandy trout I lucked into.

            Shifting gears here, the Oddfellows and Soroptomists did a brisk trade in Italian food at the spaghetti fundraiser and give a secret handshake thank you to all the good folks who came for dinner. If you splattered sauce on your shirt, new ones are available at the Soroptomist for twenty-five cents. I didn’t make it on account of that river trip but we did have spaghetti on the river. I tried to charge admission and turn it into a fundraiser, but met resistance.

            Also thanks to the Rotary Club for holding their spelling bee, where my teammates Ralph Swinehart, Rick Bombaci and I heard some words for the first time and flubbed others that are usually no problem with spellcheck. Sue Womack, Zanni Schauffler and Andie Lueders of the Health Care District team got the honors, then honored the Oddfellows roof project by donating their share of the loot. Thanks. Or if Don Swart was selecting the words here, arigato.

            Shifting gears again, I read with interest the letter from Wallowa-Whitman National Forest Supervisor Monica Schwalbach, printed here in the Chieftain on March 8, about how pleased the Forest Service was that the public chimed in with thoughts on closing forest roads. I’ve read it a number of times and can’t find any mention of public opinion regarding public land having made a whiff of difference, pro or con. I do see mention of how we’ll be educated. Oh, good.

Just saying, Forest Service, in your future PR efforts you might consider throwing in at least a suggestion that public comments made it into the same room where the decisions were made. This one came across, to me at least, as condescending. Patronizing. Sounds like you’re patting people on the head who submitted an opinion, saying, “Oh, look at what you did here, glued macaroni onto construction paper to spell out your public testimony . . . how cute. We’ll put that on the refrigerator in the room where we don’t read things like this.”

            Just trying to help, Forest Service. Offering a little feedback. I know how much you like input from the public. So next time you’re doing output about input, maybe sprinkle in a specific or two hinting that comments from the public might have been considered, rather than just collected. I like a little pretense when I’m being force-fed. Make a few more airplane noises when you’re coming in with a spoonful of mashed peas and travel restrictions. You’re close, just need to fine tune those distracting airplane sounds.